Sunday, October 25, 2009

Touching

A very touching story..a reminder for us as parent..this story made me cry and realize how sometimes I forget..forget to be empathy towards my dear sons to really know and understand their feeling and behaviour their reason to everything that they do…

A story worth sharing 4 years ago, an accident took my beloved away and very often I wonder, how does my wife, who is now in the heavenly realm, feel right now? She must be feeling extremely sad for leaving a husband who is incapable to taking care of the house and the kid. 'cos that is the exact feeling that I have, as I feel that I have failed to provide for the physical and emotional needs of my child, and failed to be the dad and mum for my child. There was one particular day, when I had an emergency at work. Hence, I had to leave home whilst my child was still sleeping. So thinking that there was still rice leftovers, I hastily cooked an egg and left after informing my sleepy child. With the double roles, I am often exhausted at work as well as when I am home. So after a long day, I came home, totally drained of all energy. So with just a brief hug and kiss for my child, I went straight into the room, skipping dinner. However, when I jumped into my bed with intention of just having a well-deserved sleep, all i heard and felt was broken porcelain and warm liquid! I flipped open my blanket, and there lies the source of the 'problem'... a broken bowl with instant noodles and a mess on the bedsheet and blanket! Boy, was I mad! I was so furious that I took a clothes hanger, charged straight at my child who was happily playing with his toy, and give him a good spanking! He merely cried but not asking for mercy, except a short explanation: "Dad, I was hungry and there wasn't anymore leftover rice. But you were not back yet, hence I wanted to cook some instant noodles. But I remembered you reminding me not to touch or use the gas stove without any adults around, hence I turned on the shower and used the hot water from the bathroom to cook the noodles. One is for you and the other is for me. However, I was afraid that the noodles will turn cold, so I hid it under the blanket to keep it warm till you return. But I forgot to remind you 'cos I was playing with my toys...I am sorry Dad..." At that moment, tears were starting to run down my cheeks...but I didn't want my son to see his dad crying so I dashed into the bathroom and cried with the shower head on to mask my cries. After that episode, I went towards my son to give him a tight hug and applied medication on him, while coaxing him to sleep. Then, it was time to clear up the mess on the bed. When everything was done and well past midnight, I passed my son's room, and saw that he was still crying, not from the pain on his little buttock, but from looking at the photograph of his beloved mummy. A year has passed since the episode, I have tried, in this period, to focus on giving him both the love of his dad and mum, and to attend to most of his needs. And soon, he is turning seven, and will be graduating from kindergarten. Fortunately, the incident did not leave a lasting impression on his childhood memories and he is still happily growing up. However, not so long ago, I hit my boy again, with much regret. This time, his kindergarten teacher called, informing me of my son's absence from school. I took off early from work and went home, expecting him to explain. But he wasn't to be found, so I went around our house, calling out his name and eventually found him outside a stationery shop, happily playing computer games. I was fuming, brought him home and whack the hell out of him. He did not retaliate, except to say, 'I am sorry, Dad'. But after much probing, I realized that it was a 'Talent Show' organized by his school and the invite is for every student's mummy. And that was the reason for his absence as he has no mummy..... Few days after the caning, my son came home to tell me, the kindergarten has recently taught him how to read and write. Since then, he has kept to himself and stayed in his room to practise his writing, which I am sure, would make my wife proud, if she was still around. 'cos he makes me proud too! Time passes by very quickly, and soon another year has passed. It's Syawal, and its Raya time. Everywhere the Raya spirit is in every passer-by...Raya song and frantic shoppers....but alas, my son got into another trouble. When I was about to knock off from the day's work, the post office called. Due to the peak season, the post master was also on an edgy mood. He called to tell me that my son has attempted to post several letters with no addressee. Although I did make a promise never to hit my son again, I couldn't help but to hit him as I feel that this child of mine is really beyond control. Once again, as before, he apologized, ' I'm sorry, Dad' and no additional reason to explain. I pushed him towards a corner, went to the post office to collect the letters with no addressee and came home, and angrily questioned my son on his prank, during this time of the year. His answer, amidst his sobbing, was : The letters were for Mummy. My eyes grew teary, but I tried to control my emotions and continued to ask him: " But why did u post so many letters, at one time?" My son's reply was: " I have been writing to mummy for a long time, but each time I reach out for the post box, it was too high for me, hence I was not able to post the letters. But recently, when I went back to the postbox, I could reach it and I sent it all at once..." After hearing this, I was lost. Lost at not knowing what to do, what to say.... I told my son, " Son, mummy is in the heavenly kingdom, so in future, if you have anything to tell her, just burn the letter and it will reach mummy. My son, on hearing this, was much pacified and calm, and soon after, he was sleeping soundly. On promising that I will burn the letters on his behalf, I brought the letters outside, but couldnt help opening the letter before they turn to ash. And one of the letters broke my heart.... Dear Mummy, I miss you so much! Today, there was a 'Talent Show' in school, and the school invited all mothers for the show. But you are not around, so I did not want to participate as well. I did not tell Dad about it as I was afraid that Dad would start to cry and miss you all over again. Dad went around looking for me, but in order to hide my sadness, I sat in front of the computer and started playing games at one of the shops. Dad was furious, and he couldnt help it but scolded and hit me, but I did not tell him the real reason. Mummy, everyday I see Dad missing you and whenever he think of you, he is so sad and often hide and cry in his room. I think we both miss you very very much. Too much for our own good I think. But Mummy, I am starting to forget your face. Can you please appear in my dreams so that I can see your face and remember you? I heard that if you fall asleep with the photograph of the person whom you miss, you will see the person in your dreams. But mummy, why havent you appear? After reading the letter, I cant stop sobbing. 'cos I can never replace the irreplaceable gap left behind by my wife.... For the females with children: Don't do so much overtime. If you cannot finish the work, it must be some kind of problems within the company, and it is not your sole problem. Feedback to your boss. Endless overtime may not necessary be the answer to the problem. Take care of your health so that you can treasure and take care of your little precious. For the married men: Drink less, smoke less, cos nothing can replace your good health, not even business nor clients. Try thinking this way, are you able to work till your clients are totally dependent on you? or your boss is totally dependent on you? In this society, no one is indispensable. Take care of your health, so that you can take care of your little precious and your loved ones. : For those singles out there: Beauty lies in loving yourself first. With confidence and loving yourself, you will see the beauty in other things around you. You will be able to work better and happier. Don't let your health be affected by your work or your boss, so nothing matters more than your well being.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Judging

Sometimes without us noticing there are people who are watching and judging us. Last week we both went to Kuantan to service our car, while waiting for the service to finish we went to Kuantan Mega Mall. I requested to buy a pair of shoes for work and suggested to MOH to buy a branded Shoe. In Kuantan there are not that much of choice…we headed to the BONIA and Carlo Rino boutique. That is just side be side..malas nak jalan jauh…

Di bonia takde yang berkenan di hati jadi kami pun ke sebelah iaitu ke Carlo Rino. So ufa pun try beberapa jenis kasut and everytime if I asked MOH he will reply

“OK, belilah kita belanja”

Then after I have chosen the shoes that I want, MOH pun offer to buy some other stuff wallet and Hand Beg . But I was not in the mood at that time so I decline and reply

“lain kalilah abang, kita tunggu sale time Christmas ye ”.

But MOH still try to persuade me by showing one by one to the display Hand begs and wallet hoping that I choose one that fit my taste…

Before we left the Boutique a lady approached us and says

“your husband really love you ye”

Terkejut kami berdua…ufa cuma tergelak je then I jeling to MOH dia tersenyum dengan bangganya…hehe

p/s masuk butik Carlo Rino bolehlah offer suruh beli macam-macam dia nak belanja, I wonder if I masuk butik COACH will he do the same…hehe

Monday, October 19, 2009

Feeling Down…

There is times when I feel down..I just don’t want to go to work because I will feel miserable and lonely at work..I just want to stay at home with my boys …Quit my job.. not now I have to work to help MOH..we still need two income to support our life style..I need to count my blessing.. beside this horrible feeling I do love being a lecturer, I love teaching and studying but the working environment push me to sadness..feeling down…maybe it is my fault, I don’t know how to mingle with the local…and I don’t know how to organize..I don’t know how to manage people.. arrghhhh.. ulfa count your blessing

Beside work I have a beautiful life at home..two adorable son that love me who always wait for my arrival…when I open the door they will run to me hug me and smile at me…a husband that is loving and supportive he complete me in everything..a mother and mother in law that is loving and kind. A father and father in law that is very understanding and helpful....come on..ulfa be grateful..I am sorry Allah if I whine too much..forgive me..I am grateful Ya Allah

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Sambutan Aidilfitri 2009

Alhamdullilah raya pada tahun ni kami sekeluarga sudah berempat secara rasminya..Tahun lepas khairin tak nak keluar dari perut mama dah cukup hari pun sebenarnya tapi khairin tetap nak beraya dalam perut mama…

Tahun lepas beraya di Banting..maka tahun ni giliran untuk beraya di sebelah my other half (MOH) aka luqman..Pada pagi 1 syawal kami bersembahyang dan beraya di rumah abah di Kepong..oleh kerana tahun ni semua ada abah pun excited nak ambil gambar keluarga..malangnya semua terlupa bawa kamera termasuklah MOH jadi gambar raya diambil menggunakan kamera handphone sahaja.…nak sangat letak gambar raya tahun ni..tapi gambar ada dengan farhan terpaksalah tunggu dia dan kami balik ke KL untuk mengambil gambar-gambar raya tahun ni..adalah dalam satu dua keeping je..jadilah daripada takde langsung…

Sebenarnya ufa geram jugak dengan luqman sebab dia lupa bawa balik kamera..yelah pada hari-hari yang penting kamera takde..tapi sebab bulan baik hari baik ufa sabar jelah..nak marah pun tak sesuai maklumlah hari raya kan…

Petang raya pertama tu kami balik ke kampung luqman di Kuala Kangsar…destinasi pertama yang kami singgah ialah rumah opah sedara..adik arwah tok osman..ufa pun tak sure nama opah tu apa..huhu..luqman pun tak ingat ufa lagi kan..hehe..yang bestnye beraya kat rumah opah sedara ni dia hidangkan lemang yang dibakar sendiri…sangat sedap…tiada tandingan..lemaknya, lembutnya,masinnya cukup all in all SEDAP….Rumah kedua kami ialah rumah adik abah..rumah makcik nor…malam-malam sempat lagi kami beraya…menurut luqman abah memang time beraya akan pergi beraya hampir ke semua rumah sedara dia..3 hingga 5 hari abah akan beraya dari pagi sampai malam…

Abah memang bagus tak kiralah sedara tu pangkat lagi bawah dari dia pun dia tetap akan beraya…kebiasaannya yang muda pergi beraya ke rumah yang tua..abah tak kisah walaupun dia lebih tua atau pangkat lebih tinggi (pangkat pakcik dengan anak saudara) dia tetap akan menyinggah beraya….destinasi terakhir sekali pada hari tu ialah rumah opah dan atok kami sendiri di Kampung Jamuan Kuala Kangsar (belah mak luqman)..rumah opah (belah abah) di Bukit Chandan Kuala Kangsar kami tak pergi pun, sebab opah dah meninggal dan makyang tiada di rumah pergi beraya di belah suami dia di parit buntar…

Raya kedua..pagi tu kami sekeluarga pergi beraya di rumah makwa yang berdekatan dengan rumah opah…jalan kaki pun sampai…kemudian setelah ke rumah makwa abah dan mak ajak kami beraya ke rumah sedara di luar kampung jamuan…rumah pertama kami singgah rumah mak ina adik kepada mak..sudah empat tahun kami berkahwin tapi inilah kali pertama ufa sampai ke rumah mak ina..setelah ke rumah mak ina kami pergi beraya ke rumah pak ngah masih lagi di dalam kawasan kuala kangsar…tengah hari kami bertolak ke Taiping beraya di rumah opah sedara adik tok osman(atok luqman)petang kami bertolak balik ke kuala kangsar kembali untuk ambil barang dan bersiap ke gerik…

Petang raya kedua..sebelum ke rumah pak ngah (belah abah)di gerik kami singgah beraya di rumah isteri kedua pak ngah..ufa tak sure kat mana..sebab sepanjang perjalanan nak ke sana ufa tertido …dekat-dekat maghrib kami sampai ke rumah mak ngah rahah (isteri pertama pak ngah) di gerik…beraya di rumah pak ngah, dalam pukul lapan lebih kami pergi ke resort untuk berehat..awal pagi esok abah bercadang nak pergi melawat kubur pak ngah…pak ngah baru sahaja meninggal tahun lepas..

Pagi raya ketiga seperti dirancang kami pergi melawat kubur pak ngah di gerik…destinasi seterusnya adalah ke Bachok Kelantan untuk melawat ngah dan anis (adik luqman) yang baru sahaja dapat baby girl…perempuan pertama dalam keluarga abah…anak abah semuanya lelaki dan cucu yang ada pun dua-dua lelaki (anak ufa n luqman)…dalam perjalanan ke kelantan kami singgah makan breakfast di Pulau Banding..sangat cantik resort ni…highly recommended for those who want to have a peaceful vacation….letih betul…..masuk je Jeli jalan sangat sesak…kelantan jem sebab orang beraya…kereta banyak di jalan..kami sampai di rumah hanis petang, setelah 2 jam berada di rumah hanis kami pun ke resort untuk berehat..not bad jugaklah resort dia..cantik dan selesa..alahai nama resort dah terlupa..kurang aware sikit sebab sibuk melayan my two heroes yang kebosanan duduk di dalam kereta dan rumah orang lama-lama…bila dapat berlari dan bermain baru happy sikit…tapi still ufa jadi penat saangggaaatttt mengawal mereka berdua sepanjang masa…

Raya keempat kami bertolak balik ke KL…huhu…punyalah lama kami di dalam kereta….dengan jemnya panasnya…abah siap membebel lagi..susahnya dapat jodoh jauh-jauh..pesan kat anak-anak jangan kahwin dengan orang jauh..ikut kami berdua rumah mak ayah dekat je..dalam area KL dengan Selangor 1 jam setengah dah sampai..hehe…mama layan jelah..cuma sekali sekala tu selit jugak..jodoh mana kita nak tau dapat orang jauh ke dekat….

Kami sampai di KL pada waktu maghrib..penat sangat duduk dalam kereta lama-lama…oleh kerana semuanya tengah penat…esok baru kami balik ke Banting….Jadi tahun ni hanya pada Raya kelima kami dapat beraya di Banting…sayu je adik beradik yang bekerja semua dah tak de…takpe memang macam tu kan adat orang yang sudah berkahwin…di Banting kami banyak berehat tak pergi beraya sangat pun…

Alhamdullilah raya ni ufa dapat berkenalan dengan sanak saudara belah suami….sebelum ni ufa hanya kenal adik beradik mak dengan abah je..opah dan atok sedara memang tak kenal langsung..dengar cerite pun jarang sebab luqman pun tak kenal…hehe..(teruk kan kami ni)

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Lamanye Menyepi….

Banyak cerita sebenarnya yang nak diceritakan tapi disebabkan banyak kerja jadi asyik menangguh sahaja untuk menulis di dalam diary mama ni…

Lama betul mama menyepi..siap tak bagi pun ucapan Raya kepada kawan-kawan mama…huhu..

Sebenarnya di minggu akhir Ramdhan mama jatuh sakit..mama terkena gastrik..tak pernah pun kena gastrik tiba-tiba dapat gastrik yang teruk…sampai ke tahap muntah-muntah n cerit-berit..dalam hanya tiga hari mama kehilangan 7 kilo…huhu..(tapi berat tersebut tidak kekal elok sahaja habis cuti raya mama kembali ke berat asal..hehe)

Cerita raya pun takde…sebenarnya banyak je aktiviti yang kami sekeluarga buat raya ni..Cuma tiada mood nak cerita pasal raya disebabkan mama tak ada gambar raya..huhu..

My love dah berusia 28 tahun…29 september lepas merupakan hari jadi beliau…tak sempat lagi nak tulis entry pasal hari jadi my love..

Perkembangan khaizuran dan khairin..banyak updates yang perlu ditulis pasal milestone kedua-dua buah hati mama ni..asyik tertangguh sahaja..

Hari ni birthday Khairin..alahai khairin dah bukan baby lagi…huhu..masa begitu cepat berlalu…

Sudah genap setahun mama berjaya menyusukan khairin..Alhamdullilah..hooray..mama sangat happy..

Mama attend interview untuk jadi lecturer di sebuah IPTA..mama lepas first interview dan dipanggil ke second interview (baru sahaja selesai ditemuduga pagi tadi)...Tapi sama ada dapat atau pun tidak…tak tahu lagi…

Mama bercadang nak buat entry untuk setiap cerita yang disenaraikan di atas….Harap-harap berjayalah…

Ehem..ehem…walaupun dah terlambat mama still nak ucapkan SALAM AIDILFITRI DAN MAAF ZAHIR BATIN..buat kawan-kawan mama…

Khairin is 1- Happy Birthday Sayang

Khairin mama and abah love you…Happy Birthday Sayang..you definely complete us as a family. At first mama and abah was very surprised when we got the +ve result. But still we were happy and excited to have you. Khairin you are the gift from Allah and we promised to love and take good care of you. We have so many dream and plan for your future. We all love you sayang…