It was a working day, when I reached home khaizuran and khairin were very active they wanted to play outside, after running and playing on the grass they played with their bicycle. I was very tired but still had to entertain them. Once the day was dark I asked them to come inside with a little bit of argument here and there I managed to bring them inside. They were still active and wanted to have a bath read main air, I asked them to wait for abah but they decline. Ended up with them opening their own clothes and running to the toilet playing with the water again I had no choice I need to entertain my boys. After fifteen minutes playing with the water I asked them to stop and come out from the toilet again they refuse to do so. They were pushing my limit but still I try to calm myself..doing zikir in my heart.. after some time I just pick khairin up and make a firm tone to khaizuran to come out immediately.
Khairin was crying and shouting I ignored him and took the towel to dry him..still khairin was showing his tantrum while trying to calm khairin down, khaizuran came to me and when I was trying to dry khaizuran with the towel khairin run again to the toilet…I terlari lari takut if he fell down…when khaizuran saw khairin was running he got excited and join khairin..tiba-tiba khairin stop and he pee on the floor then khaizuran called for me from the other side of the room he also had pee on the floor…sabar…sabar lagi…
I kept quiet trying very hard to be patient and not to yelled at them..i picked khairin up asked khaizuran to stay there and to not move…after washing khairin again he start crying and wanted to stay in the toilet I just picked him up…tiba-tiba he threw up on me…huhu…habis bahu n belakang penuh dgn muntah once again picked him up and wash him.…pap! While he was rolling his body refusing to wear his pampers I spank his leg…GERAM…khaizuran just stared at me and stay where I asked him to because he know mama was very angry I picked him up wash him and put his pampers on..he didn’t fight back just follow my instruction…after wearing his clothes he ran to a corner and started to talk by himself…I notice he was crying silently and said slowly..
Khaizuran: mama dah marah..kenapa mama marah marah..zuran takut..
At that point I noticed that I should have calm down…and not follow my emotion…huhu… I cried inside…
Where was my other half when all of this was happening…playing squash with his friends…huhu…
When he reached home..the boys was already in a calm mood drinking their milk and playing happily together..he looked at my face and asked…
My other half: Kenapa you nampak macam penat sangat je…
Me: khaizuran and khairin….bla..bla…kenapa abang balik lambat nearly 8 baru sampai..
My other half: sorry ada mukhlas so I tak sedar dah lambat..best main squash dengan dia..ulfa sorryla I betul-betul tak sedar tadi…
If this happen 2 or 3 years ago I know I will be so mad once my other half enter the house I will keep quite and just cried as I could not yelled or scream at him..so I will cry to express my emotion. I am sure we will fight back and forward about it is not fair for him to have at least a 1 hour ‘me’ time every single day to play squash or tennis or any other sport. While I have to stay at home do the house chores take care of our sons all by myself. After nearly five years of marriage I just let go agreeing and giving him the ‘me’ time for him to exercise.
Time has made us more matured and make the love between us grow bigger and deeper. For the sake of love and wanting to stay together in this marriage sometime I just have to let go of certain things. For me letting go is not showing that you are weak but that is marriage life. I know he also had done the same for so many times although he never told me because like him I am not perfect.
Before getting married with me he used to exercise every single day, in his study years he said he will play squash and soccer every day. If he doesn’t exercise he will feel uncomfortable and easily get mad …he needs to exercise plus he has high blood pressure it runs in the family. The doctor say besides eating well he need to exercise to maintain a low BP. The nature of his work is also quite demanding he has to work under pressure most of the time… so yes he need to exercise. When I let go, both of us get the benefits…he will be at his best condition and I will have a loving and healthy husband. So yes I am so happy to let go!
uffaaa...how patient U are with ur kids. I always yell & scream to my kids whenever they didn't listen to me(my neighbour surely can hear my voice & they might think that i'm very the garang). & always pukul2 them too. Much of the time i don't know how to manage them, how to teach them to be good, that's why i have to raise up my voice. sometime i have to take out my rotan to scare them but it only works to iman not to aisyah. she will running away & laugh like i want play kejar2 with her. lagi bertambah marah...but i'm not as patient as U. Good uffa, u are indeed a great mom...tp dalam duk marah2 tu, my kids still want me to sleep beside them & hug them...
ReplyDeletealaahai, bace pon da rase penat, I understand how do u feel, bile lg nak merase kan,time anak kecik2 la, lgpun mude lagi,penat2 pon tenaga masih kuat,bayangkan ibu2 tua yg ade anak kecik,camne agaknye..it tests ur inner strength in d way, its gud to kno u can control ur temper, very tolerant mum, at least i will have d point to tell ur sons how challenging to bring them up when they get older in the future ;P
ReplyDeleteeda...sebenarnya ulfa ni sama je macam ida..mudah melenting tapi ulfa perhatikan anak-anak ufa bila marah atau tak puas hati bertindak sama dengan cara ufa dan hubby maraj..cara tengking cara naik tangan, gesture muka...mmg sama...itu yang ufa cuba sedaya upaya supaya tak marah dgn menengking dll...bukan apa malu org tengok anak kita berkelakuan macam tu...tapi nak salahkan anak pun tak boleh sbb kita pun buat yang sama..so the first step kita yang kena berubah berkelakuan baik dan bersopan suapaya anak kita pun berkelakuan macam tu...
ReplyDeleteani..so relaxlah kalau ani tak pregnant lagi..Allah bagi ani rehat dulu...believe me although being a mother is the best thing sometimes u feel that u want to run far far away and relax...hehe
Alaa..I am still yearning for a baby though..we had spend so much gud times of being together n we think it's time to hav kids..mm.. is it that difficult to get pregnant? ;(..hey, y don u find sum time n plan to hav sth special in privacy,such as, by having a candle nite dinner or anything, i mean without ur kids,it wud b great I guess, the moment of reminiscing the good old days..
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